last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
