Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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