Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
