Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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