dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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