Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
