The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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