Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
