there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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