i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize