he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
