glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
