I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
