Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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