I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
