well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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