Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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