I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
