this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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