Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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