I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
