Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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