we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
