I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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