Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
