She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
