You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
