Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
