that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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