So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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