Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
