Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
