A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize