the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
