i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
