I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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