If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
