That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
