Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
