I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
