It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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