like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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