I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
