The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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