How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
