i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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