how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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