turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
