Banned from zoo.
Again?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
