When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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