Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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