Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I understand Curling. That high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
