used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
