I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
