dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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