sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
