the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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