i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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