so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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